Published on June 19, 2009
by Eric Landry
A friend and I were just talking yesterday about the expectations we had of ourselves as fathers and how different our expectations are from fathers of different generations. It's cliche, but I suspect earlier generations of fathers (and families, for that matter) believed that they fulfilled their fatherly duty by providing for the family. So, work wasn't an intruder to family time, it was necessary for the family to even exist. And the father's role was to make sure that he gave the necessary time to work. Today, of course, many dads are far more likely to see work (especially work brought home after the normal work day is done) as an evil that takes away from one's time with their family. We're more susceptible to the guilt that comes when our children ask why we must go to work and not play with them. Even if this newfound sensitivity is the result of what some commentators call the feminization of society, I'm grateful for it. It helps keep all my vocations in balance and it reminds me that being a dad is far more than bringing home the bacon (as important as that is!). It also means being a blessing to our children.
Ok, that's the introduction to what I really wanted to talk about: rock star Lenny Kravitz (who hasn't sung along to "American Woman" in the car?) gave an
interview recently in which he talked about his faith, his struggle as a single man and rock star with celibacy, and the influence his dad's infidelity had on him. Here's the relevant quote:
One day, during the break-up, his father sat down with his mother and Lenny. His mother asked his father, ‘What do you have to say to your son?’ Kravitz expected some kind of apology, or at least some kind of explanation, for the cheating. Instead, the words his father said to his son, looking him in the eye, were something else altogether. Awful words, it seemed, for a father to tell a son. Words that he would struggle to shake off:
‘You’ll do it too.’
‘It took me years to realise how powerful that was. There are things called word curses. You talk to Bahamians out here and if you say something, they’ll say, “Don’t put word on me.” And it was a word curse when he said to me…’ — Kravitz thumps on the table between us to punctuate each word of his father’s curse — ‘… “You’ll … do … it … too.” If you go and look at his history, his dad did it, he hated his dad for doing it. And then he passed the buck to me. He kind of handed that to me. And I had to wrestle with that.’
Kravitz's father gave his son a legacy of guilt and shame. He condemned his son to the same struggles and sins that had destroyed his own family. Surely Kravitz must own his own sins (sin isn't fate, after all), but the influence of his father's words was profound in his life. His father should have been picture of God to him, with words of grace and forgiveness. Instead, he was a picture of the Law, filled with condemnation.
Dads, what words do you speak to your children? Do you give them powerful words of blessing or do you speak words of condemnation? Our children will sin, but in their sin will they hear the words of forgiveness and love that you gave them or will they see their sin as the self-fulfillment of the curses you uttered over them?
This Fathers' Day, as you enjoy the new tie or the crazy coffee cup or just a quiet moment in the backyard, think about reciprocating to your children and your wife with words of blessing: words that remind our children of the promises and grace of our Heavenly Father.
This is the blog for Christ Presbyterian Church.
